no I’m not..
I just got to get this out of my head..
right I’ll tell you a little story, no screw that
i dunno how to get this out.. but it’s screwing my head so bad.
RIGHT
i know a girl, called Tina. me and her are like best friend. no.. we're are like.. boyfriend and girlfriend. but we're not. Make sense? no? tough work it out.
anyway i like her. i like her so much that i wanna do,.. i dunno but i really like her. she like me i hope.. we she must, can't of been out with me 4 times.. met up with me.. and stayed friends for me for 2 years for nothing eh?. anyway at the moment we act just like we're havin a long distance internet relationship. we talk all the time, say we love you to each other, and have... "fun". sound all fun and pretty eh?. yeah well here come the emo part. i want to be with her so bad, but there is this thing.. she once said.. (not to long ago, in November this year) when i kinda asked her out for like the 5 th time.. 'Simon i don't think i could ever go out with you again.. i couldn't put us both through all of it again'. fine and dandy! i don't partially wanna go through getting my heart ripped out again either. but here the twist.. remember what i said at the beginning? "we're are like.. boyfriend and girlfriend." why say that.. then go and act like she wants to be with me ahhh!!!
here's another thing.. even though i'm not with her.. i'm still loyal to her, if some girl came up to me and asked me if i want to fuck her.. (don't get me wrong i'm not a perv but i'm a guy for god sake (sorry Christians) i'm a boy/man with needs! and well yeah as i said.. i'm a boy/man who never had much "fun" and wouldn't mind havin ago) i would bloody say no!, because i'm.. i dunno i would feel that i was betraying tina.. and also.. i didn't mention this before did i? but i'm bi-curious.. meaning that i'm straight.. kinda ..err.. w/e i'm basically wanna have a bash at some guy on guy.. (in relationship sense not just "fun") and I feel this.. whole thing with her is somewhat holding me back?
i dunno what to do.... should i be i waiting for her? or moving on?
i wanted to talk to her before but.. her auntie’s in hospital and it might be cancer and she's upset etc.. and it's so close to Christmas.. so I can’t go and bring this down on her can i?
*sigh* i hate my life sometime...
well.. if anyone ever bothered reading this in time..
leave a comment.. share the love for a confused chap will yah?
laters.xx
